Who's Your Daddy?

In this city, one easy way to tell if you are entering a "less than safe" neighborhood is to look at the stores around you. There are three stores in particular that can only be found in abundance in these "LTS" areas: Liquor Stores, Bail Bond Shops, and Paternity Test Clinics. The general rule is that if you are driving and you see more than one of these per block, then you aren't exactly in the best section of town.

Now, the funny thing is that the paternity test clinics actually get pretty creative in their advertising. For example, one billboard all last year stated across the top: "FROM HERE TO PATERNITY," with a picture of two people rolling on the beach à la the famous scene from "From Here to Eternity." This year, that sign has changed to a picture of the Mona Lisa (complete with her enigmatic facial expression) holding a baby with a woman behind her whispering "so, who is the father?" Brilliant!!!

So, in a moment inspiration (though I'm sure some would beg to differ on my word choice) yesterday, I came up with the perfect billboard for next year. Picture this: A potato chip with arms, legs, and a face is the father holding his new baby with a very confused look on his face. This questioning look is explained when one looks at the baby, who is in fact a tortilla chip. The caption at the top reads: Well, clearly it's na-cho baby, so whose is it?

I should have majored in advertising...

Top ten reasons I can't wait to move into an apartment that was originally built as an apartment...

1. WASHER AND DRYER
2. Dish Washer
3. Closet Space
4. No more 3:00 am emptyings of the dumpster (one of the beauties of having windows facing an alley)
5. Non-radiator heat
6. No more driving 15+ minutes to find a parking space that ends up being 6 blocks from my apartment.
7. Centralized AC
8. I will no longer be trapped by the Comcast monopoly
9. BBQs Poolside!
10. A landlord that knows what he/she is doing

I'm back...

Sorry... it has been a Hectic month.

Anyways, my recital is done, I can breathe again. Of course I managed to get sick the day of the performance but got through it ok. The only thing it changed was that the soft and subtle notes just came out scratchy. Oh well, it's done and I passed (big sigh of relief).

What really weirds me out is that after 20 straight years of going to school (not including preschool), I have two weeks left. One paper, one presentation, and one test (sounds like a musical theater medley title) and it's all done.

I graduate the day before my 25th birthday. I think 25 is a good age to embark upon "real personhood."